BUCK’S NIGHT

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Yesterday I went to an all day “buck’s party”.

But before I go into all those messy, messy details — which I really enjoyed it should be said — I thought tonight I would give you all a semblance of context to this adventure. And so a hint of the story of how I have a new appreciation of the company of blokes. Because historically I have gravitated to women for conversation in social situations and because there’s only so much talk about cars and computer games and Radiohead and Tarentino movies I can take. Women are so different and they have perspectives that generally I haven’t heard before — only sensed. But crucially I think they get my sense of humour better.

See as a kid, it was really tough going with my male peers. I was the little ginger runt — pale and sickly-looking — and for some bizarre reason boys weren’t really impressed by that vibe. And perhaps spending six years at a boy’s only high school exacerbated my interest in female attention. And also I’ve always kinda enjoyed flirting — and it should be said — that goes for both men and women. And I am very, very rarely trying to seduce anyone — I am just trying to make myself more endearing. I guess I am a forward person in a world which is mostly reserved.

SIDE BY SIDE

Apparently men are “side-by-side” while women are more “face-to-face”. In other words men like to DO things together, while women like to get more INTIMATE with conversational eye-to-eye stuff.

And until my bike riding adventures I hadn’t done much “side-by-side” stuff and the equation has been a revelation and pretty damn awesome. It’s not just cool, I actually think now that it is important — like important for your soul. I think I need to feel like a bloke periodically. It is like an echo of the trials our ancestors did everyday just to survive. Yet now we have to almost artificially create circumstances where we can be blokey and suffer and do something epic.

MESSINESS

So yesterday I officially got “Rugby League Drunk” (a term coined by Tegan’s mate Glenn) — just because it seemed that was what was expected. And I didn’t quite get to “Canterbury Bulldogs Drunk“, but it was touch-and-go there. The day started with a quite civilized ride up Mount Nebo with Ryan, Scott and Jesse on his brand new roadie. And for the first time ever we were all in matching kit. And of course that necessitated a timer photo:

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Once home I managed to get ready at virtual lightspeed (one aspect of blokiness I have embraced) and Dee dropped me at Canvas where the boys were already into their second beers. No one needed to encourage me to do my best to catch up.

Pete (that beautiful ginger pictured below) from JSS was our designated driver — which may seem utterly ridiculous — but he did a sterling job. Later Timothy told me quite soberly, even though he had his head wrapped up in Jon’s crotch, that Pete was a fantastic driver. “(On tour) I only feel safe when either Pete or I am driving”.

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CHIPS

After Canvas we headed to lunch at The Smoke at New Farm for some barbecue meaty, McMeatness. I ordered chips, and separately, a hotdog thing which came with chips. Chips are my most favourite food. Just this week Dee asked me what my death-row meal would be. I tried very, very hard to think of anything other than chips. But my brain hurt too much, so answered honestly: “chips.” Dee wasn’t surprised. Last year when I spent 7 weeks in Europe (and 2 weeks in NYC) I worked out that I ate chips every single day. You’d think 49 days of chips would make you sick of the sight of them — but not me. I am a bit autistic when it comes to food.

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Anyway, I think the reason these chips were so good was because they were “meat-chips” on account of the fact the oil in the fryer was full of the dead flesh of many and various hyper-cooked animals. But in saying that — it was their texture that most appealed to me. They were golden and crispy and more oil than potato. Glorious. If I was rich like Clive Palmer I would open up a restaurant that just served chips. Maybe mash potato as well.

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Free Tequila shot from the awesome Smoke peeps.

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Despite my epic drunkardness, I did spend a good moment composing this photo of Conan — much of which was basically me yelling at James (who is sitting behind) not to photo-bomb it — and it turned quite well I think.

BUS

I skipped the bus ride (feat. Gangnam Style at full volume) and walked to Bitter Suite about 600 metres up the road. I convinced myself that walk was entirely sobering. So another beer later — my 6th for the day — we went over to Newstead to the Tippler’s something. It was here that Jon, the groom, was feeling a bit partied-out. Like massively partied-out. After a few quiet voms I took him on a few blockies. The secret to sobering up is to get the heart pumping. And because there was no treadmill handy, walking was the best remedy. And patting puppies is also a true-fire spew-cure. Totally.

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Just a rat sharing the footpath. No big deal.

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Next we went to the soccer game at Suncorp and I got annoyed at these guys in front who insisted on standing up. It almost got a bit ugly, and Timmy gave them a beer as a peace offering. He is so chilled.

The game made very little sense to me, despite the fact it is a drinking-game just like Rugby League, but was also enjoyable mostly ’cause I got to eat some more chips — very, very poor quality and over-priced it should be said — and shout with some impunity at the opposition team. (I think they were from Melbourne or something).

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This is Phil who is now a bestie cause he was so impressed I stood up to the wankers who insisted on standing up in front of us and got them to sit down. 

CARTEL AND RIC’S

After that I left the buck’s-night-crew and stumbled up the road to Cartel to watch the roller-racing. I was intending on slowing down, becoming more civil. But of course I hit the beers even harder and ended up with some random bruises and a random shoulder injury. That might of happened when I did that somersault. I am not entirely sure. What I do know is that later I got denied entry to Ric’s and the only thing that made it acceptable was that Jamie got denied too. It was tragic. Thoroughly Tragic. It is actually quite IRONIC that this happened to me, being such a fan and historian of Ric’s, and it happened AGAIN! You just have to laugh don’t you?

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